WIP: help critique please?

Hi! ♥ I'm sure I've not done this way before, but I was curious about how it might work out-- anyone up for taking a peek at my WIP and offering a smidge of advice?
Edit: thank you guys~ that is enough for now. Gimme some time to recollect and decide what to do now.



Thoughts? thank you!

(In other news, I'm studying again. woot. but it's at a nice pace, so yay. I'm thinking of going to go buy some home-made fudge...since if I made my own, I'd have way too much tempting food and no classmates are in town to give it away to and therefore not be a glutton, soooo....)